Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Is There Such a Thing

Is it possible to be too honest? R is my best friend, and I really do tell him (almost) every little detail of my life. So, where should the line be drawn for what I shouldn't tell him (or what he really doesn't need to know)? Okay, now I know I may be risking criticism by my family, peers, co-bloggers, but here goes: Y'all may or may not have read these posts on "Lasting (Psychological) Impressions" and "Old Memories" but they really just talk about guys (2 of them) that I knew in high school. Oh, and keep in mind, I got OUT of high school in 1999. Well, when I run in to an old boyfriend, or just any friend, I tell R about it. Mostly it doesn't bother him, but he'll still make comments, or sort of tease me about it. But then I joke about going to *this store* or *that store* (where my ex's work) so I can introduce them, and he gets really defensive. The other thing is that I am still somewhat in contact with some of these people (some of them just recently), and I still tell R about it. Where the problem comes in is demonstrated in something that happened yesterday: I was "caught" talking to one of them on the phone. I didn't rush to get off the phone, or lie about who I was talking to, but R was still bothered that I was talking to him at all. Normally, I wouldn't talk to any of them on the phone (most contact is if we run into each other, by email, or IM), but I had just "found" this Old Friend after...probably 8 years of NO contact (I was really curious what he'd been up to). This guy even knew R back in high school & asked about him. I guess maybe R has a right to be a little sensitive about this guy (read the "Impressions" post), but what would've been more appropriate: If I just didn't tell R that I had talked to him, or should I just NOT have talked to him at all, or what? Or maybe what the real issue is is that I've been too honest with R by telling him about my innermost thoughts and feelings about this guy?
Also, y'all KNOW (isn't it SO OBVIOUS) how much I love R. I already said that he's my best friend. He's my Hero. He's my husband. He will be the father of my children (one day). I respect him. He completes me.
So, I know y'all have had issues like this. How did you deal with it? Have you feel pressured to "give up" your opposite-sex friends to make your significant other happy? What do y'all think about my part in this (please, be honest!)?


At 11:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous 's valuable input...

I promise you it is that testesterone thing acting up, it will go away. Most men believe that men and women cannot be friends without Sex raising its ugly head. The problem is that our hormones do not rule our lives in the same way theirs do. Our Ego operates on a whole different planet.
Gma M

At 1:39 PM, Blogger zombieswan 's valuable input...

Oh good lord mother. (Sorry to use your blog to yell at my mom). Don't pull out that old hormomes thing and say that women and men are different liek that.

Sex usually does raise it's ugly head. That's why Harry is right and Sally comes around to his perspective. Men & Women can't be friends. But it's not just men for whom the sex comes up.

But to quote another movie... with Dennis Quaid in it so I get some "Six degrees" points...
"You just have to pick someone to be in the foxhole with. And keep your di_k in your pants when you're out of the foxhole."

You and your hubby will both be attracted to others. And you will have others from the past you were interested in before. You just have to be committed to the now, the NOT gonna do anything about the attraction thing and never ever cross the line from friend to lover with the wrong person.

Lying about attraction, or thinking women don't get it too, will only lead to trouble.

But finally, my high school boyfriend was a sleeze. As a result, I sometimes have trust issues. You have to make sure that the trust issues either of you have do not cause problems where they are not. When I feel anxious cause Andrew is not home yet, I have to remember that Andrew is not high school sleezeboy, and I am not the same person either.

Finally, tell my nephew he needs to get over it or his mean old auntie will turn him over her knee. He aint too big to whup.

At 1:48 PM, Blogger Celina 's valuable input...

Oh, this is GOOD stuff! I was worried about y'all reading this & having a "different" view of me...and I almost took it down immediately after I put it up...but I'm glad I didn't.
And, I have to say, there really is NO attraction for any of these "other" guys. Most of them have matured, and are leading their own lives, and I really am just curious what "Life Paths" they've chosen. Also, I have no preference to keep in touch w/ guy friends vs. girl friends--the "issue" only rises when it involves guys. Besides, R seemed okay this morning, so hopefully I was able to reassure him enough to realize that he doesn't need to worry (or overreact). Thanks Gramma & Kim!

At 1:50 PM, Blogger Celina 's valuable input...

Oh, and I guess I should also say: Looking at all my high school boyfriends, I realize that I really lucked out on meeting "Good Guys." I never had a reason to doubt or worry. R, though, dated a "sleeze" and maybe that has something to do with his insecurities.

At 9:33 PM, Anonymous mom p 's valuable input...

Communication is the key!!! I know how my son is and you have to sit him down and tell him flat that there is nothing to this...just frends...plus you have to remember how his dad was.Big R always did the same thing to me and we where married for 27 years.he liked to get under my skin.you both are good for each other. don't get angery TALK to each other.

At 8:23 AM, Blogger Mon 's valuable input...

I think its different for everyone. If someone is threatened by a person you are friends with I think you have to respect that. It might be un-necessary, because YOU know nothing will happen.

I think also that there is a difference between friendship and fantasy. Everyone has feelings about other people other than who you are involved with. It's human nature to be attracted to other people, and not just physically.
As long as you are able to talk about it, there is no problem.

I don't see anything wrong with thinking about someone and wondering. I still think about several people from my past. Some I dated, Some I hated, some I lusted after. I think it's just the 'wonder' of 'what could have been' it doesn't mean you aren't happy with the present. Or would ever act on it.

Guys think differently, and to them if they are 'thinking about' another girl, it's probably sexual. So, they assume we think the same way. For us, it's I wonder how school went, is he married? Does he have kids? We like to know details. They are also way more fragile than we are, and feel threatened by other men.(they ARE from mars after all!)

At 11:15 AM, Blogger Celina 's valuable input...

Thanks so much for all your comments. See 3 posts up for the "update." Everything is much better now!


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